Learning to Own What Makes You- You!

Somewhere in the fast paced rollercoaster I call my life I began to define who I am by my struggles and accomplishments. What I did or didn’t do became an anchor for safety when change rolled through my life and I needed familiarity. I always had an answer for what I was doing. Usually the answer was building my business! Making something new! Notice I didn’t say I always knew what I was doing because I definitely didn’t. I started checking off the list of accomplishments that I believed defined my future.

  1. Go to art school for photography
  2. Find a day job to expand your skills
  3. Get Married
  4. Move into your first apartment

Each check gave me a sense of belonging and identity. A huge YES you are on the right track. That feeling was great but very temporary. Each time a new change came and I struggled to keep up, the worries got bigger. The anxiety creeped in and when life didn’t go as planned I felt further from who I had always seen myself as. I thought of myself as the artist! The hard worker! What was I supposed to do when I lost passion for that because balancing it all felt impossible? Who was I if I stopped?

When I got in to art school I realized competition was tough! I didn’t really fit in. (I mean I never really fit in anywhere) My first job was tough. I felt completely overwhelmed and frustrated in a path that I believed was for me ( It wasn’t) Planning a wedding was a whirlwind and being thrown into learning about rent and insurance made me feel like a little girl in her moms shoes playing adult. As a kid I thought the plans I made would be fun and adventurous but life felt overwhelming. I was ready to give up on my dreams of owning a successful business, having a home life with my family, and sharing my love for photography with others. I’m proud of what I did but I didn’t fully enjoy it. I was looking for the other shoe to drop. Holding my breath because I felt like I was the key to holding it all together and couldn’t rest or else it would fall  apart.

Eventually through a long series of events I learned that I was dealing with anxiety and adhd. My world flipped upside down. The intrusive thoughts and overwhelming feelings made sense. I suddenly looked at my life with a new lens. How much of my life was impacted by adhd? I could think of the projects I started and stopped. The people I struggled to keep up with. The exhaustion from trying to plan to be on time and constantly failing. Even my focus on accomplishments was because I struggled with staying focused and wanted to overcompensate. I wondered how much of the “me” I had defined was “symptoms” of adhd.

Some days I felt as if I would never be able to “escape” the symptoms. I might have had a meltdown or two. Was my entire life gonna be trying to win against a brain that had a mind of its own? Many of you can relate to those epiphanies you have about your childhood. It’s like taking the red pill and learning everything wasn’t how you perceived it. I think in the middle of this revelation I lost sight of the fact that not EVERYTHING about me is due to adhd or anxiety. In this journey to being healthy I have had to confront and work hard to start addressing how I have functioned for years. I’m sure I will be doing that every day. What I want to remind myself is that Bethany is more than a checklist of accomplishments and she is more than a checklist of symptoms. You are more than what you produce and more than what you experience.

I have come to a place where I’m learning the “me” a part from the hang ups. Some things about me are not from anxiety or adhd. Some things are just Bethany things. These are things that have always been a part of my life and will always be a part of my life. Like I have always liked technology. I used to take a part computers and learn programs like photoshop for fun! I’m a firm believer that a good app can solve all problems! I love nature-A walk on a sunny day is as good as a cup of coffee. If I can make anything at home just for fun I will, this has resulted in me DIYing quite a few things. Doing my hair is therapeutic even if my creations go a bit sideways sometimes. I like dry humor ( The Office) and cheesy shows like Chicago Fire 🔥. I love photography because the technical side is interesting and the people I get to meet are awesome. I love a deep conversation and love listening to someone who is passionate about what they are interested in. I am still learning about how anxiety may have impacted the way I made friends but I am deciding not to let the sum total of who I am be a diagnosis. I have no shame admitting that as a human being I deal with all kinds of problems but I am still me. It took a long time to learn about ways my brain functions and what effects that had on my life. I’m so happy to put a name to the experiences I’ve had and to also identify that many things about me are just “Bethany things.”

Why share this story? Because I want to encourage you to stop and breathe and just be. You have value because you are one of a kind. You don’t have intrinsic value because of what you do. You don’t lose value because of what you go through. While you are out there trying to catch your dream or build a legacy keep those things that make you, you in mind. You can’t pour from an empty cup knowing what refreshes and brings joy to you will keep you going when life brings all the new changes your way. This is for all my hustle culture entrepreneur bosses! Make some room for Joy!

What makes you YOU? With all of your perceived imperfections what is a you thing that is important to embrace?

 

Finding the Joy

Welcome to my blog. I talk about choosing joy, to me, that means believing God is good and there is hope in the face of difficulty. I also talk about my goals and challenges. I believe in perseverance, grit, dreaming big, and choosing to challenge yourself to be better than yesterday. 


What does it mean to be a part of the #JoyJourney?

 

It means to choose JOY in the good and bad!
It means we focus on our goals!
It means we challenge ourselves to do better!

 

Wanna share your story? Join the #joyjourney in my FB group here! We encourage each other to accomplish more and meet up once a month for a nature walk! 

 

Sign up for our latest nature walk here!

 

 

If you have become a remote worker then this is the blog post for you. Usually I photograph families and events but all of my families are full of hardworking people who are juggling many roles everyday working from home and parenting. With zoom being more important than ever and Linked In being the new way to connect or job search a great headshot is one of the many tools used to put your best foot forward!

As a photographer I answer the question “Should my photos be Professional or Casual?” with one word. Yes! Both! 2020 dramatically shifted expectations of the work place. If you went to work in your PJs and a dressy top then you know the drill. Now there’s more room for personality to be expressed and that is great! Now even with more casual environments there are still some good practices to maintain when updating your portrait. Whether you hire a professional or make your own studio at home. Here are 5 ways you can balance a professional presence with your casual, creative and fun personality. This applies to your business, Tik Tok, and Instagram too!

Good Light

Lighting is everything! A professional headshot demonstrates care for quality. The same way you take care in presentation of yourself reflects how people believe you will care for their business. The best way to add great lighting is with outdoor light near a window. I will never stop shouting about how great window light is! I would avoid direct sunlight as that will make you squint and create harsh shadows but facing a window is a great start! If you wanna go pro, breakout a white foam board or aluminum foil to add some full light by having a friend angle sun indirectly onto you.

Self portrait using the sun shot on my IPhone. was going for of a model vibe here but you get the point sunlight rules!

Taken in a living room with window light!

Eye Height – Open Posture

In our attempt to look professional we can sometimes over compensate and look stiff and closed off. I see this the most in the crossed arm pose or the hands in pockets pose. No hate if you prefer to pose that way but if you wanna create a posture of friendliness try a few of the poses below. If you don’t like how you look in photos try having the camera be at eye height. Selfies taken from above tend to give the viewer a birds eye view. We associate this with child likeness and innocence. From below the viewer has a worms eye view. They look “up” to you it communicates dominance and power. At eye level you are viewed as an equal. Think of photographing yourself at eye height as being the equivalent of looking someone in the eye when you give them a handshake.

Photography by Bethany J. Photography featured on https://diversityandinclusioncoach.com/podcast/

Photograph by Bethany J. Photography for http://www.drdeanlab.com/

Smile or No Smile

Depending on your professional taste or position smiling is up to you. If you do smile, make it a big one! Give your best smile, the one that, makes your eyes light up and wrinkle. I am telling you whenever people attempt a “perfect” smile usually it looks more like you are gritting your teeth. I know it’s not easy to take your picture when you see all your perceived imperfections but what I see is a genuine person with a welcoming face. A bright smile is far more inviting than a perfect model face.

Photography by Bethany J. Photography for https://landmarkhomes.us/

Backdrop

This one is not anything fancy but it’s a good refresher. Check your background. A background busy with anything you don’t want to stand out is important. This could mean not using your cool Florida vacation pic as the background. It could also mean not showcasing your laundry. It’s not that we haven’t all been there, but let’s let YOU be the only focus.

Creative Twist

Make your portrait your own with a creative twist! Create a single tone palette to create a colorful eye catching pop. Try dramatic lighting or a really close crop of your face. Build a background that features what you are good at. Show it to a couple of friends to see what they think about your skills!

Photography by Bethany J. Photography for @AdakuInspires

Photograph by Bethany J. Photography for http://www.drdeanlab.com/

If you are not the DIY type then message me I am happy to collaborate with you on a headshot that showcases you. If you do try these tips send me a message below I would love to see the creativity!